Poetic tragedy
by Spomincica
Summary: How can Todd & Neil be so much alike, yet so different? Todd's story is set a week after Neil's. Sorry if it's gibberish but I had to write it. I just had to.


**POETIC TRAGEDY**

_Summary: How can Todd & Neil be so much alike, yet so different? Todd's story is set a week after Neil's. Sorry if it's gibberish but I had to write it. I just had to. There are two Slovenian words in it. They are translated later, but they are there. It sounds better in Slovene. _

_Disclaimer: Not mine … Song is Poetic Tragedy by The Used. Lyrics are copied from their CD. In actual song it sounds different. But it suits better this way …_

**The cup is not half empty as pessimists say**

**As far as he sees nothing's left in the cup**

**A whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge**

**Since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up**

**Neil:** I never lived my life … Somebody else always did. I never had a 'full cup' so to say. The others drank it for me. I had ambitions … Loads of them. But my father never let me do anything and I listened. Some people might say I'm spineless, but I'm not. I'm not even scared. I'm smart. I know I can't say anything wrong, or I'd be punished. I really like school. OK … Not school, but my friends there. Only there I can really be myself.

**Todd: **My parents aren't that domineering like Neil's. They just don't care. But my brother … He controls everything. He has the full cup, so I have to indulge mine empty. Every one of us here has ambitions … I don't. My brother took them. My greatest ambition was to go to Welton (yeah … I'm a nerd) but he was here first so it didn't matter much. When I was five years old, I wanted to read. I wanted to read poems, stories, … out loud for living. But of course he told me that that's lame. Then he went to our uncle, who was a poet and asked him if he could read at his next literal evening. He was a star, and now I don't want to read at all.

**A singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere**

**He gave heed to nothing, and all that he was … **

**Is just a tragedy**

**Neil:** I used to dream, how I'm going to fail my life miserably, how I'll get nowhere, but now I know what I really want to do. I used to be a boy, who gave heed to nothing, but now I realized that what that boy was, is indeed just a tragedy. But me now … I'm not nothing now. I'm an actor. I started to become something when Mr. Keating came. I like him, I really do, so I'm sorry for what I'm about to do to him, to all …

**Todd: **Mr. Keating changed my life. I used to be nothing, now I'm everything. I became a writer. Well … Not a whole writer yet. I know I can write, I know I have the talent to do so, but there's still a long journey ahead. That day in class changed my life. The 'blanket' one. Before that I was a tragedy. Now I'm a writer.

**So he voyages in circles**

**Succeeds getting nowhere**

**And submits to the substance**

**That first got him there**

**Neil: **It's all because of my father. He wouldn't accept me, for who I am, so I had to hide the fact of me being an actor from him. Everything I said to him was like a path, that would only get me on a spot of where I started.

/ Začarani krog. Vicious circle /

So I didn't tell him. It's his fault.

**Todd:** Now I'm on a journey of living my original path. I used to travel in small circles, always coming back to the 'right' spot. I'm not used to standing out in a crowd, but now I had to. I always try to fit in, but as a Dead Poet I had to be someone special. My true self was slowly coming on surface.

**Then in violent, frustration he cries out to God**

**Or just no one**

**Is there a point to this madness and all that he was …**

**Is just a tragedy**

**Neil:** I have a secret. Every once in a while I get mad. Not just angry, but … I don't even know a proper word to describe how I feel. I can't talk to anyone then. It's probably because I stack my anger too much. When I'm in that faze, I have to let it out. When I started Welton, I found very distant cave. Every time I got mad I went there and yelled. I let it all out. Even though we now use this cave for much nicer reasons, I still go there. Alone. Not that much, but I still do. Sometimes I wonder if this madness, we call life, even has a meaning. We live, we study, we work and then we die. But you have to find meaning in yourself. You can live your life as a tragedy or you can break out and become something. This is exactly what I'm doing.

**Todd:** I'm a poet. Young, but a poet nevertheless. Poets are always special. I must just find my way. I feel better when I write. I can say anything I want then. When I first came here, I was angry. I didn't show it, but I was. I didn't know how to express this anger, and now I do. I write, so I can express my anger, yet create something beautiful. It's the same with sorrow and … love. Life has changed a lot for me, since I'm here.

**He feels alone**

**His heart in his hand**

**He's alone**

**He feels alone**

**I feel … **

**Neil:** I'm just beginning to understand, how much Todd and I are alike. Maybe he's even braver than I am. I pretend to be brave, to be happy, he dares to admit he's not. I may be surrounded by my friends, but deep inside, I feel alone. So alone, sometimes I think I will break. But I survive. I let anyone in my heart, hoping it will be the one to carry my loneliness away. But it never is. Maybe the person doesn't even exist. Maybe I must just work my way through the loneliness.

**Todd: **I'm alone. That's a fact. I learned how to live with it. I found one true friend this year. Neil. He's the only real friend I had. I don't know why he did this to himself, to us, his friends. OK … I understand him, but when you have experienced not being alone, it's hard to go back. I feel so much emotion right now. I feel sorrow, anger, … but the worst of all is that I feel, what I haven't felt for a whole year now. I feel … alone.

**Than on that last day he breaks**

**And he stood tall**

**And he yelled … And he takes his life**

**Neil: **Sitting behind this desk now, I think that I had lived my life. This year I finally saw my cup as half full. I gathered enough courage to stand before my father and actually say something. It didn't work, but … I did it. I have no choice. If I didn't 'go' now, than … I'd be living against my wishes, and that's not good. Last words for my beloved friends:

Charlie: Don't mourn my death. Don't cry. Be yourself and laugh through it.

Knox: Don't screw your chance with Chris … She's the girl for you.

Meeks: Don't change for others. Inherit the earth, as you want it.

Pitts: Don't be the quiet one anymore … Please … You have a lot to say. Say it!

Captain: Don't give up. You taught us more this year, than anybody else in our whole lives.

Todd: Todd … SPEAK UP! BE YOURSELF! WRITE! And please … don't forget about me.

I know they'll never hear this words, but they know how I feel. They know …

**Todd: **This was my last day of my journey. I left my path completely at English today. Captain came to gather his belongings. I wanted to tell him how I felt. And for the first time in my whole life, I did. I stood up and I yelled. I saw he was proud. I was too. I know what to do now. I must speak up. I must be myself. And most important, I must write.

**Author note:** I know… Glass half empty or half full, I made it all wrong… But I did it on purpose. About why is Todd the last one on Neil's mind, when he gives out his last words; I think Todd has affected Neil more as we see. That's why he leaves him for the end. To be the last person he ever thought of.

And of course… For Meeks's last words… I couldn't resist… Meek shall inherit the world.


End file.
